my 27th year

days of daze of days

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 22:31:06 -0400

I have been in quite a busy daze lately. So many changes: work, life, friendship, …nope not love, but everything else :) And hope is abundant.

More soon.

"What a chimera then is man! What a novelty! What a monster, what a chaos, what a contradiction, what..."

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 22:29:52 -0400

““What a chimera then is man! What a novelty! What a monster, what a chaos, what a contradiction, what a prodigy! Judge of all things, feeble earthworm, depository of truth, a sink of uncertainty and error, the glory and the shame of the universe””

- Blaise Pascal

day 298.

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:28:51 -0400

i am such a fool.

that is all.

there are about 4193424 reasons why so i won’t elaborate.

i just need to think, let go, and move on.

"To be is to do."

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 20:26:58 -0400

“To be is to do.”

- Immanuel Kant

day 300.

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:10:10 -0400

So glad it is the weekend.

So hope it is a good one.

"Fools rush in where fools have been before."

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 12:03:45 -0400

“Fools rush in where fools have been before.”

- Unknown

"After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done."

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 12:27:09 -0400

“After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done.”

- Shakespeare

Yup, me too.

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 12:26:43 -0400

Yup, me too.

the journey for happiness.

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:55:17 -0400

My friend Lee took off on a summer long European journey. He has been keeping a blog filled with amazing pictures from all of his places and I have enjoyed watching his trip.

Today I caught up with his blog when I found this buried within an entry. It was so refreshing to read—a guy who has everything (smarts, looks, dinero, kindness, ambition, humor, etc)…yet who has started to question what/why/who he wants to be and what really will determine his happiness…I think we can all relate to the journey within ourselves where we learn what defines happines within our own lives.

I am so proud of him for this…I can’t even put it into words.

“It was right there, at that moment where it all hit me square in the face…I miss home. WTF am I doing traveling around Europe, by myself, in the middle of summer, when everything I know and have ever known is waiting for me back in the states? Was I running from something? Was I looking for something? Was I looking to just get outta dodge and break free? The questions just kept coming; I had no answers other than a resounding “NO” to every one of them.

Believe me, the last thing I would have ever expected in my life was to wake up one day…40 and single…and in Chisinau?? Am I tired of being alone? That’s one question I’m starting to have to answer with a Yes. Maybe that is what’s eating me and prompted this trip. I was too busy working and living to realize that I was truly alone. I was too busy planning to see the forest for the trees (whatever the hell that means). Didn’t someone once say that life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans? All this is probably going to sound sappy as all hell and I’m sure I’ll hear it from the boys via email, but it just has to be said. Maybe Christopher McCandless was right, although he realized it too late; Happiness is isn’t real unless it is shared.”

day 304.

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:14:43 -0400

I feel lonely and I don’t want to feel lonely.

I am 100% + happy. Could always be happier, but I feel like I just want a hug or a kiss…or someone to hold my hand.

And I HATE feeling that way. I love being single, for some reason on Sundays I just get the urge for affection.

The rest of the week flies by and I have a blast with friends, but for some reason on Sunday nights, I just wish I could be tucked in with someone cozy.

Maybe it is because for the first time in a long time there is no one for me to be excited about? Maybe the total emptiness on the dating radar has just left some type of small void that I didn’t realize was there because there typically are prospects?

I have NEVER been one to jump in (In fact I hate this, almost more than anything) to relationships or feel like I need one. And I don’t feel that way, AT ALL.

I just feel like it would be nice on a Sunday to have a kiss goodnight.

Ugh. I need to get over this. Stat.

"Do or do not. There is no try."

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:10:30 -0400

“Do or do not. There is no try.”

- Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back (via enquotations)

This makes me sad to be a former Texan. Read some of the comments, so ignorant.

Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:09:49 -0400

This makes me sad to be a former Texan. Read some of the comments, so ignorant.

Little Mermaid - Part of Your WorldHot days and a cool dip in...

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 16:26:22 -0400

Little Mermaid - Part of Your World

Hot days and a cool dip in the pool always remind me of this movie.

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not"

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 13:50:01 -0400

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not”

- Epicurus

Day 309.This just arrived in my mailbox today and I think...

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 13:45:00 -0400

Day 309.

This just arrived in my mailbox today and I think Gwyneth (as always, which I know is arguable to others but not to me!) looks totally radient and glowing. Have you ever met someone that just has a “glow” about them? I would love to have someone say that about me. Is it something you are born with? Something from a good diet? When someone is just utterly and totally happy? How does one get the glow?

"We should manage our fortunes as we do our health - enjoy it when good, be patient when it is bad,..."

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 16:25:24 -0400

“We should manage our fortunes as we do our health - enjoy it when good, be patient when it is bad, and never apply violent remedies except in an extreme necessity.”

- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

My friend sent this to me yesterday. He took it somewhere...

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:03:21 -0400

My friend sent this to me yesterday. He took it somewhere (France maybe?) on his European adventures. He has been criss crossing for a month now and he didn’t give me any details yet…he just knows how much I love unconventional street art.

Day 312.Ahhh the strolls down memory lane. This photo is saved...

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 11:02:00 -0400

Day 312.

Ahhh the strolls down memory lane.

This photo is saved on my dad’s computer and I don’t really know how or why. He got this computer a year plus after Ab & I broke up so obviously I must’ve been walking (limping?) down memory road one night and looking at photo albums that I probably shouldn’t have.

What is it in me that has me sucked into these painful memory moments from time to time? I am no longer upset or angry about what happened…that ship sailed many moons ago…but it still doesn’t make me feel like susy sunshine when I see photos of us and then start to remember specific memories from our relationship together.

Maybe it is because I haven’t had a major relationship or any committed relationship really since then? Or maybe these pictures will always cause that reaction within me—one part of me remembering how great our relationship was and the other part of me remembering how painful it was when it ended?

ps-I wish you could see my shirt in this picture, it was freaking H-O-T. Photo taken @ Barcelona in Austin, Tejas in summer of 2005.

Jason Mraz - After an AfternoonAs we all know, I’ve had a...

Sat, 31 May 2008 17:36:22 -0400

Jason Mraz - After an Afternoon

As we all know, I’ve had a mega love affair going on with the music of Jason for a multitude of reasons. However, I had never really listened to this song prior to this trip. My little brother introduced it to me, it is his favorite JM song, and I can totally understand why. So beautiful.

I bare my windowed self untamed and untrained
Dreams that hardly touch our complexions truest faults
If room enough for both my drowsy spirit shall fall
Bold waves tumble to the season of my heart
You have offended my faith and my trust
Until all is lost into the beauty of the day
Until all is lost
(see-yeah, see-yeah)
And I think It’s Lost

And there’s something in the way you laugh
And it makes me feel like a child
Aspects of life they confuse me
You and your thesis amuse me
After and afternoon with you
And your rich brown eyes
Your lips and dark hair
Elbows and exposed knees tossing toward your ceiling (as we lay in bed)
After an afternoon

Face to palm
Tear to tear
And
Mouth to tongue
Heart to ground
Heart to ground
Say, “I am in love”
Say, “Heart to ground”
Say, everything
Oh, Heart
Oh, Heart
Oh, Heart to ground
I am in love

"Leave until tomorrow only what you are willing to die having left undone"

Sat, 31 May 2008 17:24:01 -0400

““Leave until tomorrow only what you are willing to die having left undone””

- Picasso (via enquotations)