day 341: highs and lows.
Today started fabulously well…I slept in and got more sleep than I needed which is helping to heal my allergies that are currently attacking my immune system and making it hard for me to breathe and giving me the sniffles.
I stepped outside to take Elle on a long walk in sunny but semi-cold weather and got a call from Carlos who was at the airport in Honolulu, flying to New Orleans after a concert he played with Jason that was sold out (10,000 people!) and that was amazing energy. He is going to Jazz Fest to play with dumpstaphunk a really cool band he plays with that Ivan Neville, son of one of the Neville brothers. His life is so full of transitions and plane tickets and new faces, new venues, new places….you’d think it would be perfection, but it is exhausting and I think sometimes he just wants to curl up on his couch and watch a movie. Although the grass is always greener right? And if he wasn’t on the road he’d probably be miserable.
I wasn’t expecting to hear from him so it was a nice surprise. I’ve started practicing my spanish and texting him in spanish, especially when I drink. It is hilarious. I think I butcher it 90% of the time, but A for effort right?
Now comes the low. I started to watch Gossip Girl, finally, from last week after a run and lunch and my mom calls. My sister is anorexic (seriously, badly) and has been for 2 plus years. My mom is totally broken inside right now and I think just not even knowing how to stay afloat. I worry about her heart, my parents marriage, and most importantly their happiness—because they both deserve to be rich in life and in love. It breaks my heart.
I am not going to go into massive detail here, that is going to be saved for my journal…but I will say that it is really hard to not be able to do for someone what you so desperately want to. I want to whisk my mom away and pay for her to live in a small house in Maine where she can cook and knit and quilt and LIVE. I feel guilty that I am not in a position to do that for her. I hope that someday I can give her even remotely a small ounce of what she has given me and I can help her find the happiness buried within her heart that deserves to run through her blood and make her free.
That is my wish for this year.